Hello, is anyone out there? Although I've posted a few entries on TTC sites, this is my first official 'blog'! So although I'm new to blogging, I'm not new to infertility and am about to start my first FET cycle. I must say, I'm a wee bit excited for some weird reasons. One, I'm a bit curious to see if anyone will actually stumble across my blog. I guess it's possibile, considering I've stumbled across many a blog in my endless fertility/infertility 'research' online. Two, I'm looking forward to a place to document some of my not so great feelings, of which there are many, about my infertility journey. After being at this for so long, I've learned to limit what I share with people that aren't in the struggle with me. At a certain point, you get tired of hearing all of the standard 'relax it will happen' lines.
So, allow me to introduce myself....I'm legal beagle because I'm a lawyer in a major city and I just happen to have the cutest beagle that ever lived. I also happen to be a horrible speller and since I haven't seen a spell check button, forgive me in advance:) I've been seeking fertility for too long now. Our first pregnancy was a total suprise, I had just gotten off the pill cause it was making me so sick each month and boom, BFP! The same cycle I stopped the pill is when I got preggo. Mr. Beagle, although at the time he was Mr. Fiance Beagle, and I were so excited. We moved up our wedding and changed it to a small ceremony of 60 people and vowed to have a bigger one after the baby was here. Things were going great. We got married when we were five months preggo and life couldn't have been better. Then, two weeks after our wedding, we lost our precious baby. It's a pretty dramatic story that I will post another time but long story short, an untreated bacteria infection turned into Premature Rupture of Membranes (PROM). Afer getting through that heartbreak, which was a pain I never thought could survive, I got excited to try again. Since it happened so quickly before it would happen just as fast next time, right? WRONG!!!!! Here we sit, almost two years after our loss in Dec. 07 and still no baby. That is not to say we haven't had a BFP in there, we have, but still no baby.
We got a BFP after our first IVF and we were so excited. Only to have our hopes crushed when we learned it was ectopic. So now we are gearing up for our first FET and I must say, I'm not that excited. I get very anxious when I think about future cycles. It's a bit daunting when the highest form of fertility treatment still doesn't give you a baby. How do you get excited about future attempts when you know there is no 'next step' after that? I try very hard not to let the emotions of this whole process get the best of me but most of the time I feel like I'm loosing. It was so hard dealing with the loss of my son but at least I still had hope. Now, after adding infertility into the mix, I feel totally defeated.
Anyway, I guess that's enough of my insane rambling for now. Since there is a whole lot of crazy in this head of mine that needs to come out, I will be back very soon!!
